Rock Bands

                       The Stumphumpers

The Stump Humpers band

The Stumphumpers are carved out of red cedar logs. the standing members range in size from 64-74 inches. the drums are solid cedar logs, and cymbals are wood. I used doweling for the mikes and other stands. I decorated them with fake tattoos and other stuff from the dollar store. Right now I’m slowly working on an animal band. The only thing I didn’t do was the piano, my girlfriend “Murph” is a ticketed cabinet maker with access to a work shop with all the tools and so I got her to make it. I refer to her as the wood surgeon and myself as the wood butcher.

With Patsy Stihl

The Stump Humpers band

Here’s the band before Peemer’s girlfriend joined the group, playing an outdoor gig on Boot Hill.

Elly May Borden on piano

the stumphumpers band

Another concert on boot hill.  This is the first time miz Borden has played in public with the band, but from the reaction of the fans it won’t be her last.

Band members:

Founding member – Patsy Stihl

patsy stihl

Milo Slaggard

Milo Slaggard
While stopping in the sleepy backwater of Stinky Springs, Patsy met Milo Slaggard playing for drinks at the local bar.  Patsy was surprised to find such talent in such a place and got up to sing a few numbers with Milo.

Their impromptu duo drew in a crowd and Patsy and Milo managed to earn a little bundle of cash that night.

With nothing to keep him in Stinky Springs, Milo accepted Patsy’s invitation to come on the road with her.  Right now they are trying to track down Milo’s old friend Mick who apparently is a fantastic base player

Mick Murphy

Mick Murphy (bass player)

After three hard weeks on the road, Patsy and Milo found Mick Murphy in a scummy little New Orleans bar.  Drugged out and tired of working ratty little gin joints, he felt he had nothing to lose by joining them on the road.  He didn’t know if they could make it as a band but Patsy was easy on the eyes and he thought what the hell.

Hearing that they were also looking for a drummer, Mick mentioned that he knew of a crazy little Scottish drummer that he had met in rehab.  Patsy had heard of Peemer Mosie and was doubtful because of his reputation for drinking vast quantities of beer on and off the stage.  Milo reminded Patsy that they might not be able to afford anyone else so she agreed to give  Peemer a try

Peemer Mosie

Peemer Mosie Sr, Drummer

Peemer came out of the slums of the Scottish town of Arboath.

He came to Canada when he was 15 but was deported soon after for undisclosed reasons.  He then tried his luck in the U.S. earning a living fighting, drinking and drumming.

He worked with a number of bands and was often known to drop his sticks and double as a bouncer.

He is surprisingly a pretty good drummer but that ability pales in comparison to his ability to swill beer and give wicked head butts.  His girlfriend finally convinced him to go into rehab which is where Mick and Patsy finally found him.  Good thing too because he was about to be kicked out.  Clearly only good things can come out of his association with the Stumphumpers…Patsy is not amused

Elly May Borden


The latest member to join the Stumphumpers is Elly May Borden who is Peemer Mosley’s girlfriend. She moved to Scotland from Kingston, Jamaica and met the Peemer when he was on one of his wicked benders. She plays keyboard but is also a real good bongo and conga drummer giving her and Peemer something in common. She managed to get him to check into rehab and so far has managed to keep him on the straight and narrow.

One of the odd little quirks about Elly May is she never goes anywhere without her pet penguin, Marvin. Elly May is playing keyboard for the Stumphumpers right now but she knows someone who is better and she really prefers playing the congas and bongos so she’s going to see if he’s interested  in joining the band. If you’re just tuning in keep scrolling to see and read the stories of Patsy Stihl And The Stumphumpers.

Lou Clemans

Piano Man Lou

Lou Clemans started out as a member of Suzi Sawdust’s Band. For reasons no one else could quite understand the fussy little manager of the Woodchips felt Lou didn’t fit in, thought his head was to big so his head was reduced but then it was his lips were a little crooked. So Lou said to hell with it and quit and resolved to never have anything to do with the odd little manager with the funny looking mustache ever again. So when Elly May asked him if he was free to play with the Stumphumpers he jumped at the chance. For now, until I get around to making some drums for Elly May, they’ll take turns playing piano and keyboard for the Stumphumpers. Patsy now felt the band was complete.

Suzy Sawdust and the Woodchips

Suzy Sawdust Band

Suzy Sawdust and the Woodchips

The Woodchips are carved out of red cedar logs and are apprx. 5 ft. in height.  The drummer and bass drum, floor tom, and snare were carved out of one log. I had to cut the tom off and move it because it didn’t look right and I thought I may as well add another tom while I was at it. I got the logs from someone who had a tree taken down in their back yard. They are all carved from that one tree except for the drummer. I didn’t start out with the intention of doing a band, I did Suzy first and then the guy playing guitar with the shades and then just kept going. It was awhile before I did the drummer knowing how much work it would be.

I have a set of drums myself but you’d have to say I’m pretty much a one beat kind of drummer. Anyway you can’t have a blues-rock band without a drummer so I knew I had to try doing one and looked at a fair size log I had and thought I’d see if I could do most of him out of one log. It worked out okay but its better to do the drummer and make the drums all separate which is what I did for my second band the Stumphumpers.

The Swillpots

Family Band

How family are they?

The Swillpots are carved out of red cedar and range in size from 35-45 inches in height. Here they are playing “In the pines” on the front porch swilling corn likker.

Swamp Gas Willy

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOne night after drinking a large quantity of Bud Weiser’s moonshine the besotted boys decided the band needed a name. Being as they were all quite drunk and belligerent a huge fist fight broke out in which once again Mad Dog had his false teeth knocked out. They all suffered various bloody noses and bruises but finally agreed to call themselves Swamp Gas Willy which delighted Willy very much and seemed only fair him being the founding member. Bud Weiser readily agreed as he’d almost had one of his ears ripped clean out of his skull.

If you read this and don’t have a hell of a lot more going on in your life you can always waste some more time and scroll through to read the history of Swamp Gas  Willy.

Bud Weiser

white hare

Buddy as he prefers to be called found an old rusty sax while rummaging in a smelly dump when he was just a snot nosed little punk.

Buddy took it home cleaned it up and discovered he was a natural with it and music became a way for him to crawl his way out of the dirty cabbage patch slum he’d been born in. Buddy isn’t really a rabbit at all but an albino hare.

Other animal musicians are in the works and will join Buddy in an area of the forest known as Bog Hollow where they will get together for some foot tapping good times by the light of a full moon.

Swamp Frog Willy

swamp frog willy

In the swamp close to Bog Hollow there is a malodorous scummy little pond where Willy likes to hang out. One day while malingering by the stinky little pool of water he spots Bud Weiser and their blood shot little eyes lock on one another and there is an instant discord. Without a word being spoken they charge each other and commence to beating the crap out of one another.

The battle rages and it’s hard to tell who is winning or if out of the maelstrom there will even be a survivor.

Finally after beating each other to a bloody pulp, they lay on the mossy bank with their little hearts pounding so hard it seemed they’d surely pop out of their heaving little chests. After catching his breath Willy notices Buddy’s sax and they start talking and light up a number and discover they’re both into music.

A great friendship was born that day and now Buddy and Willy get together in Bog Hollow and do some jamming and sometimes a little barn owl called Elmer-j  shows up to hear a few tunes.

Marchant MacLennan a.k.a. Blind Boy MacLennan

Blind Boy

Blind Boy is of course really a little bear with more vices than Carter has pills. Word had reached him about a couple of strange characters that lived somewhere in the Forbidden Swamp that were pretty good musicians. Blind Boy played a pretty mean mandolin and rumours about debauchery and the free and easy life style the swamp dwellers supposedly lived tickled his fancy. Even though the swamp looked like a dark and foreboding place and he’d been warned many a time to never venture into the swamp he just said, “what’s the worst that can happen” and off he went in search of Nirvana.

He stayed on a crooked little path that as luck would have it led straight to Bog Hollow where he encountered Willy the frog and Bud Weiser. The froggy and hare were high as kites and seeing the glasses rolled around on the ground giggling and passing bad gas and started calling him Blind Boy. Everyone had called him Marchant up till now but the crazy ass little bear thought Blind Boy was a cooler name and it stuck like baby crap to a blanket for the rest of his life.

Now there was three little swampy thug hooligans doing monkey shines and entertaining the rest of the rag a muffin pot heads that also hung out in the swamp. One other thing that may or may not be pertinent is Blind Boy isn’t really blind, his eyes are just light sensitive but unlike other bears he can’t smell worth a shit which is probably good ’cause I’m afraid he’d find the swamp kind of a maggot gagging smelly kind of place.

Mad Dog Murphy

mad dog murphy

Mad Dog Murphy lived on a farm bordering on The Forbidden Swamp and was actually known as Mr. Murph by the fat farmers wife. He was a bit of a layabout scallywag who didn’t do a very good job of keeping the weasel and fox out of the chicken coop actually having a bit of a side deal going on with the two of them. The farmer and his big boned wife only kept him around because of the way he sang, entertaining them at night with his bawdy songs. One day he was out lolly gagging around down by the  little creek that separated the bottom land of the  little farm from the dark and foreboding  swamp.

Mad Dog was down there looking for some psilocybin mushrooms  and made the life changing decision to cross the creek and go searching in the swamp seeing as he wasn’t having a great deal of success where he was. Mad Dog having partook of a few shrooms lost all track of time and just kept going deeper and deeper into the swamp.

Now hopelessly lost and thirsty his eyes lit up when he came across a skanky little pond with a lot of foul smelling frothy foam around the edge. Turns out it was Willy the Frogs prized pond and Willy who had been having a snooze in his hollow log got up when he heard strange noises coming from the direction of his pond. When he spied Mad Dog with foam on his face and not fully awake Willy jumped to the conclusion this strange looking mutt was rabid.

Always quick on the trigger Willy grabbed his old shovel that he used for digging turnips and gave Mad Dog a helluva whack on the side of his head that dropped him like a sack of hammers and sent Mad Dog’s false teeth flying 20 ft. into the bush. Not quite sure what his next move should be, Willy went off to find Bud Weiser and the mean little bear. When they were all together they tied Mad Dog to a stump until they could figure out what to do with the rabid canine. The mean little bear wanted to slit his throat and put him in a sack and deep six him in Willy’s pond. Willy however was more than a little adverse to having the rotting carcass of a dead dog in what he considered his pristine pond.

The matter was settled however when Mad Dog came to and befuddled as he still was, in fact he was never quite the same but he managed to convince them he didn’t have rabies only pond scum on his lips. Willy felt kind of bad about it cause it was clear the dog and them were kindred spirits so he went and found Mad Dogs false teeth feeling it was the least he could do. Mad Dog wasn’t one to carry a grudge and shared his shrooms with them and they all got higher than a space shuttle and they all laughed and laughed so hard that Mad Dog puked out his false teeth into the dirt and that’s when they gave him the nick name Mad Dog.

When they discovered how good a voice he had they decided now there was 4 of them why not form a band and Mad Dog said to hell with the farmer and his bloated wife and stayed in the swamp. Mad Dog couldn’t play an actual instrument but he was pretty good at clinking out a beat with a couple of beer bottles with some pebbles in them.